be honest and sincere anyway

Write about a Washcloth

2011-10-11T15:33:00.003-05:00

Drop down, flip, scrub, wipe, push. Now relax and observe the work.
The forest has been cleared and the clouds have lifted.
The floor is titled and you sink down.
The place you stand has no name. You hear no voice.
Reason is terrifying and logic tastes of chemical.
Sun up. See the rise. Wait for the warmth to touch the skin.
Protect the eyes.
Shield your lips and nose—they will get burnt.
Walk along and wish for others to take hold and share the weight.

The guard of the gate stands firm and fierce. Knock and smile.
No, don’t approach.
Be patient and listen for your name to be called. You hear the voice.
Stand, unfold. Now bow. Quiet. Be still.
With eyes open and head to the ground, you wait.
It is not them, nor you, that you wait upon.
It is the advance of color and movement and tide.

A shift in the soil and a tension in the chest.
Standing up has lost its purpose. Bowing down seems absurd.
Lie now.
Face to the form that shakes and changes in moments unlike your memory.
Coarse and fragrant like staples attaching potpourri to paper dolls propped beside lamps in rooms no longer white but yellow.
The tiles fall off walls. The paint peels off floors.
Stubborn and broken. Terrified and unemployed.
Barbed wire has ripped the fabric. Brass has rusted. Garbage is piled high.
Jell-O molds sit topped with whipped cream on the counter.
Shake. Jiggle.

Pip

2011-06-27T09:49:00.004-05:00

That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me and in my fortunes. But it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been.

Pause, you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.

Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

communion

2010-09-12T15:20:00.003-05:00

There were about six people ahead of me in line to receive communion.

I was listening to the music and fidgeting with my hands. My contemplativeness fades pretty quickly once I get out of my seat and wait in line. So, I’m distracted but still trying and wanting to reflect.

It is important that I note how the elements are distributed. The loaves of bread are split among four individuals and the wine is divided into four goblets. You pull a piece of bread from the loaf and dip it into the wine. It is ideal to get about a quarter-size piece. Not too big that you are struggling to chew it while walking back to your seat and not too small that your fingers must also go into the wine when you dip. As I move ahead in the line [now five people], I am thinking to myself, “Use two hands to get my piece of bread [four people]. Dip gently with the thumb and index finger [three people]. Make sure to have my other hand ready right below the dipped piece of bread in the case of wine droplets [two people].”

I see the gal ahead of me grab for the bread. With one hand she is pulling and twisting. The piece eventually gives way but it is about half the size of her hand. It is too big. She appears to be a bit bewildered, rightfully so, and I can imagine the sense of panic that has now overcome her meditative thoughts. I then see the guy who is distributing the bread reach for her piece of bread. He pulls one way and she pulls the other. Now it has become a game similar to that played with the wish bone. You know; the one where you pull from both sides of the bone and its good luck to be the one who ends up with the bigger part. Anyway, they are able to tear the bread and she now has a much more reasonable piece. She dips and is done.

The bread distributor now has a hunk of bread in his left hand, which he takes and discreetly puts into his left pants pocket.

This is when I start to giggle.

I mean, these are the sort of incidents that I live for! What else was he going to do with the bread? Dip it and receive communion again? Hand it to me to? Place it on top of the loaf and just hope that I see it and take it? He did the best he could. I really hope that he forgets about it being there for a while but later in the afternoon reaches into his pocket, finds it, wonders what it is and then recalls the service…

And, it is the body of Jesus Christ broken for us. Shouldn’t we all eat a bit of it in remembrance but also take a bit of it in remembrance too?! Oh, thank you Jesus…I am so glad that I got to see that go down!

I have to go to the bathroom...

2010-09-02T17:00:00.004-05:00

I’ve been dog/house sitting these past few days for a couple here in town.

4:44 AM on Thursday, I wake up suddenly and in quite a bit of discomfort. I’ve got to go to the bathroom.

I slide my feet into my flip flops and walk over to the door. I’ve been sleeping with the door shut, which is not normal for me, but I do it because the dogs are not to be upstairs in the bedrooms day or night. So, I reach for the doorknob, twist and pull. The doorknob on my side of the door comes out of the door (it is one of those older styles that come apart that way). I turn on the light. I bend down to reconnect the doorknob in my hand to the doorknob still attached in the door. I can’t. The rod that connects the two doorknobs has gone too far on the opposite side of the door. I can’t get the doorknob back on. I can’t open the door. I’m trapped.

Panic. I really, really have to go to the bathroom.

What do I do? I need to find something to use to wrench the rod either toward me or around to unlatch the door.

Look in the dresser. I find a pair of plastic sunglasses. I’ll use the ear piece to move the rod. It’s not working. I need out. I have to pee. I twist and pry and do the “I’ve got to pee” dance. I start to cry. I am stuck in here!

I call Mandy. “Mandy! Hi. I’m sorry. I have to go to the bathroom but I can’t get out of the bedroom. The doorknob, its one like yours, has come apart and I can’t get out. I don’t know what to do!” I am frantic.

Mandy is calm. She asks “Are you crying or laughing?” My response, “I don’t know, both” as I’m cry-laughing.

She asks what room I am in and what floor I am on. I’m in the spare bedroom on the second floor. There is a window but I don’t have the house keys. The keys, and the sheet with the garage code written on it, are downstairs (there is a spare key in the garage). If Mandy comes over she wouldn’t be able to get in unless I called Annemarie to get the garage code.

I am hysterical at this point. I have, have, have to go to the bathroom!

Mandy is still calm. She tells me that I have to go pee. I won’t be able to think or do anything until I do that. She’s right. She asks if there is somewhere I can pee.

“I have my nalgiene.” I set the phone down and start looking around the room for something other than my water bottle. I open the closet and pull out a rain boot. I squat and pee in it then open the window and toss it out. I pick up the phone again and tell Mandy that I peed in a shoe and threw it out the window. Okay, now back to opening the door.

Mandy asks if there is a wire hanger. I open up the closet and pull out a wire hanger. She tells me that I’m going to have to straighten out the hook. I do it.

Mandy equals MacGyver.

I sit in front of the door and use the hanger to pick and pry. I’m going at the rod and then I start fiddling with the latch. Eventually…“I got it! Mandy, I got it!”

Mandy's version: http://omahamandy.blogspot.com/2010/09/over-phone-macgyver.html

ONE LOVE

2010-08-27T11:54:00.003-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou5pzKuKP8w

Oh Bob Marley. I thank you.

One Love! One Heart!
Let's get together and feel all right.
Hear the children cryin' (One Love!);
Hear the children cryin' (One Heart!),
Sayin': give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Sayin': let's get together and feel all right. Wo wo-wo wo-wo!

Let them all pass all their dirty remarks (One Love!);
There is one question I'd really love to ask (One Heart!):
Is there a place for the hopeless sinner,
Who has hurt all mankind just to save his own beliefs?

One Love! What about the one heart? One Heart!
What about - ? Let's get together and feel all right.
As it was in the beginning (One Love!);
So shall it be in the end (One Heart!),
All right!
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
One more thing!

Let's get together to fight this Holy Armagiddyon (One Love!),
So when the Man comes there will be no, no doom (One Song!).
Have pity on those whose chances grows t'inner;
There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation.

Sayin': One Love! What about the One Heart? (One Heart!)
What about the - ? Let's get together and feel all right.
I'm pleadin' to mankind! (One Love!);
Oh, Lord! (One Heart) Wo-ooh!

Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.
Give thanks and praise to the Lord and I will feel all right;
Let's get together and feel all right.

31 DAY CHALLENGE!! WEEK 1: how do you keep going?

2010-06-08T10:32:00.007-05:00

This is my thought on the question, "How do you keep going?"
What keeps me going? I might not accomplish the goals each day, every week, this year, etc. but I am trying. And, just because I don’t reach all of them every time I say that I will doesn’t mean I should give them up all together! I don’t want to quit on the goals I didn’t accomplish just because I wasn’t able to do them today or this week or whatever. It is better for me to keep trying than just excuse them as failures. You know? I have tomorrow and next week and next year and I want to stay committed and keep working towards the things that I think are good for me to work towards!

Run 6 days/week
YES! I ran 6 days this week and I tried different routes too!
Run in the morning 3 days/week
YES!
Lift weights (including core strengthening) 4 days/week
Well 3 days last week but this week I can do it!
Bake a new kind of bread
Not yet but I am very excited to!
Weed the garden every week
YES!
Read out of my new devotional book everyday
YES! Very little devo book so it is very manageable!
Pray every day
YES! (I do this when I read out of my little book)
Call dad every week
Not yet but I tried and he tried!
Call Halee every week
YES!
Visit Holly and Heidi every week
YES!
Eat hard-boiled eggs
YES! (I ate them 6 days last week!)
Have protein source every day
YES! (Hard-boiled eggs anyone?!)
No food after 9PM (great idea Liz)
Most days I did this. There were a couple nights when dinner wasn’t until after 9…oh summertime!
Take Ayrton and Vesper to the park
Not yet.
Ride bike to work 3 days/week
YES! AND LOVING IT!
Get 7 hours of sleep
Most nights and I know I will feel good when it is consistent and I get good sleep every night.
Challenge myself with stairs/sprints every week
Not last week but this week!
Compete in road race
Not yet.
Make a new flag
Not yet but I did find fabric for it at the thrift store…one step closer!!
Try no gluten for 1 week
Not yet and this will be a hard one.
Each more than 5 fruits/veggies each day
YES! I love fruit and veggies
Begin training for Market-to-Market race
Not time to start training yet…maybe week 3.
Mow Heidi and Tom’s lawn
YES! Last night and loved it!
No clothing purchases
I have kept this one! YEAH!
Sit on the front porch for 20 consecutive minutes not doing…not even reading
Not yet.
Think of consolations and desolations every night (thanks Amanda and Daphne!)
YES! I do this in the morning actually when I pray and read.
Finish reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
I can do it! I picked it up from the library on Saturday and am enjoying what I’ve read so far!
Visit the Farmer’s Market when I’m in town
Not yet but hopefully this week!
Take care of my car (clean the inside, check the oil and check the tires)
Not yet.
Go to a lake/campground/park outside of Omaha
Not yet.
Show gratitude, be loving and see God in others
I like that I put this on the list…it reminds me that I need to look for God in others and the loving and gratitude comes as a response.

31 DAY CHALLENGE!!

2010-05-26T10:20:00.004-05:00

i'm back! and posting about a 31-day challenge i will be starting this week!

my friend Jara invited me to participate in this challenge. it was supposed to start on May 21 (31 days until the start of summer - the start of summer falls on June 21! YES!) but I missed that deadline. So, I am starting my 31-day challenge this Friday May 28th and I'll run it through until June 28th! i'm very excited - i feel my heart racing just thinking about this challenge! I love to compete and I think this is a great opportunity for me to compete with myself (in a positive way), be challenged and achieve!! ROAR! ...i needed to add that!

31 Challenges:
Run in the morning 3 days/week
Lift weights (including core strengthening) 4 days/week
Bake a new kind of bread
Weed the garden every week
Read out of my new devotional book everyday
Pray every day
Call dad every week
Call Halee every week
Visit Holly and Heidi every week
Eat hard-boiled eggs
Have protein source every day
No food after 9PM (great idea Liz)
Take Ayrton and Vesper to the park
Ride bike to work 3 days/week
Get 7 hours of sleep
Challenge myself with stairs/sprints every week
Compete in road race
Make a new flag
Try no gluten for 1 week
Each more than 5 fruits/veggies each day
Begin training for Market-to-Market race
Mow Heidi and Tom’s lawn
No clothing purchases
Sit on the front porch for 20 consecutive minutes not doing…not even reading
Think of consolations and desolations every night (thanks Amanda and Daphne!)
Finish reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Visit the Farmer’s Market when I’m in town
Take care of my car (clean the inside, check the oil and check the tires)
Go to a lake/campground/park outside of Omaha
Show gratitude, be loving and see God in others

I'll let you know how these 31 days and 31 challenges goes!

K III

2010-02-02T17:38:00.001-06:00

Picture with me, if you will, Christmas cards.
Okay, so, you've got a whole slew of them all lined up, stuck to the fridge, stacked in the basket, dangling from the mantel, etc.
They've been sent from all over.
The glittery card from the aunt is perched next to the hand-printed one from the kids in the 3rd grade Sunday school class leaning against the musical 5X7 sent from the folks fixed beside the tearful Hallmark from Grandma stationed next to…

“They are the usual, Jesus and Mary and shepherds and cows. Except there was one
you just can’t figure out. ‘Merry Christmas’, it says across the top of the
page. But the picture below is just this crayon drawing of a bloated-up,
brown-bearded fat guy in a blue shirt and green trousers. You think, ‘Who the
hell’s this guy? This poor schnook’s got something to do with Christmas?
Santa in his youth?
Joseph on vacation, dressed for golf?
Give me a clue!
Oh, he’s from Silent Night, you say. So, I’m mumbling my way through every blasted verse, but I don’t turn up a word about any overweight schnooks in blue shirts and green britches.
I give up!
It’s Round John Virgin!”

BAHAHAHA!

You’ve got to love it when a book can make you cry throughout one chapter, laugh throughout another, be so happy, then be so mad—slam it down, pick it up, carry it with you, read it again, curse the characters, recommend to friends, love the characters, dream the plot…

The Brothers K by David James Duncan

You HAVE to read this book!

CAKE II

2009-12-10T17:33:00.004-06:00

Remeber the cake I wrote about making for the Sturdivant-Wilson wedding? (if not, see blog titled "CAKE")

Here is a picture of it! MMM!

Just look at the beautiful couple - can you imagine how adorable they are in real life?!

K II

2009-12-03T16:58:00.004-06:00

So, I'm still reading the Brothers K (as mentioned in my last post).

Such a great book. I love it! You've got to check it out or buy it! It is wonderful!
Here is another piece of it.

One of the brothers is talking to his other brothers about "the Kingdom of Heaven being within you":

So when the humps of witchiness come at us, we've got nowhere to go, and just
get hurt, or get mad, or pass them on and hurt somebody else. But if you want to
stop the witchiness, if you want to put out the fires, you can do it.
You can do it if you just remember to crawl, right while you're burning, to drag yourself if that's what it takes, clear up into those mountains
inside you, and on down into those cool, pure lakes.

The Brothers K by David James Duncan (p. 211)

The brother says a little bit earlier that most times we think of a heaven as stupid and boring as our churches. BUT something that is truly heavenly, something with mountains higher than "St. Helens and lakes purer and deeper than any on earth" - these things we do not look for inside us.

I applaud this kid for his comments. Honest. Sincere. ...two adjectives I am growing quite fond of.

I think I have learned too much about the stupid and boring kingdom of heaven within. Honestly, I have learned too much about a stupid and boring Jesus.
I want to learn the Truth. I want to learn about the real One!

What about the rivers, deep blue lakes, high mountains, whole ranges of mountains within? "Thousands of them. Enough to wash away all the dirt and trouble and witchiness on earth."

K

2009-11-13T08:44:00.004-06:00

I have been reading The Brothers K by David James Duncan - Liz Ivkovich speaks very highly of this book and I love deciding what my next read is based on someones recommendation (especially when it is Liz because I trust her and think she is great)!

So, that is what I did - I started reading this book about a week ago.
Here is an excerpt - just a taste - the writing is incredible and I adore the characters. My emotional investment in this book is much higher than I anticipated after 70 pages.
But, you can decide for yourself what you think.

Here's a glimpse:
Personally I'm not sure just who or what Christ is. I still pray to Him in a pinch, but I talk to myself in a pinch too - and I'm getting less and less sure there's a difference. I used to wish somebody would just tell me what to think about Him. Then along came Elder Babcock, telling and telling, acting like Christ was running for President of the World, and he was His campaign manager, and whoever didn't get out and vote for the Lord at the polls we call churches by casting the votes we call tithes and offerings into the ballot boxes we call offering plates was a wretched turd of a sinner voting for Satan by default. Mama tries to clear up all the confusion by saying that Chris is exactly what the Bible says He is. But what does the Bible say He is? On one page He's a Word, on the next a bridegroom, then He's a boy, then a scapegoat, then a thief in the night; read on and He's the messiah, then ops, He's a rabbi, and then a fraction - a third of the Trinity then a fisherman, then a broken loaf of bread. I guess even God, when He's human, has trouble deciding just what He is. p.61

I just love it! The Brothers K is available at the Omaha Public Library and many other bookstores and libraries as well if you are interested.

CAKE

2009-10-23T14:53:00.003-05:00

Wednesday 3:30 - 5:30PM prepped and baked four 10" buttermilk chocolate cakes
Wednesday 5:30 - 6PM measured, cut, sealed and froze 2 8" buttermilk chocolate cakes and 2 5" buttermilk chocolate cakes
Thursday 5:15PM - 7PM made 6 batches of vanilla buttercream frosting and frosted the cakes

I admit, the cake does not look like it is professionally made (not in the least)! The cakes are a bit lop-sided, there are bits of chocolate cake in the frosting and the layed cake as a whole looks, how do I say it, imperfect and quite simply - homemade.
BUT, I didn't make this cake because I am a professional. I did not expect or want this cake to be a show-stopper. I did not make this cake expecting it to be perfect (although the actual picture of what the cake looks like is not what I had mentally pictured).
This Saturday, Jara Sturdivant and Kenley Wilson will cut into this cake in celebration of their wedding!
I made this cake because I love the couple, was thrilled to be asked and genuinely enjoy baking; I did NOT make the cake to celebrate cake though; I made it to celebrate love! This cake will be the base for two beautiful cake toppers (check out the article written in the New York Times about these cake toppers)! http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2009/09/18/style/FIELDNOTES0920_12.html

The cake will be eaten; it is really not at all about the cake anyway!

What have I done?

2009-10-07T16:00:00.005-05:00

Most recent post: October 7, 2009
Second most recent post: September 21, 2009
And this is why I hesitated to create a blog. There will be weeks (maybe months) between posts and even then, I don't guarantee they will be worth reading!
Fail blog.

(I still LOVE having this!)

the runner

2009-09-21T17:16:00.003-05:00

I hate being hollered at, whistled to, honked at or cat-called when I'm running. It bothers me. It is insulting and it makes me very angry.
Besides how personally attacked I feel in that moment, really, what's the point?
I don't know them, they don't know me. I keep running, they keep driving.
It isn't that you're an idiot. It is your moment of inability - you cannot stop the compulsive response however offensive it might be. There might not be a purpose, motivation or cause in your doing this; it is possibly just a verbal reaction. You might not even understand that what was done was inappropriate and deserving of an apology.
Don't get me wrong, I do not think it is okay and there are no excuses; I just understand. I will try to be more gracious to forgive next time.

I was driving the other day and I saw this guy, probably in his mid-twenties.
Running
Shirtless
Sweaty
Beautiful

I ALMOST couldn't keep it in. Somehow I managed.
I managed to stare speechlessly. He looked over. I just stared.
I think there was something, he might not. Anyway, he kept running and I kept driving.

Hear me out, I do not think this is okay.
I am sorry for gawking at you. It is no better than the car horn.
I confess.

Mother

2009-09-18T09:14:00.004-05:00

Mother Theresa is credited for the following prayer. I think it is inscribed on the wall at the Children's Home in Kolkata, IN.
Her life is inspiration to me and the verses of his poem partially inspired this blog.

People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Theresa

Create a blog. Really?

2009-09-17T16:05:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about creating a blog and decided "why not"?
I do think it is important that I know and indicate to readers the purpose of this blog, however basic they might be.

At this time, these are the reasons why:
I like to write, I have the ability to write and I think it is important to write.
Too many things go unsaid/ unwritten and I wish not to error on that side.
It is important that all of us have means to express ourselves.
My tendency is to be emotional; a great way to channel the emotions is through writing.
I like stating my opinions, sharing my observations, opening up conversation and finding understanding.
I really enjoy knowing others and I have learned a lot by reading other friends' blog posts. I see this as a creative sort-of-way to be in relationship with others.
Blogging can be pretty simple and I plan to keep it that way.
Sometimes you just have to say it, regardless.

All that being said, here we go!
I created a blog!
I published my very first post!